Darkness Theory
by Skylexia
Summary: We all know what Riku was doing throughout the events of Kingdom Hearts. We also know he's fairly intelligent. So the question is what was he thinking? Written with no actual reference to any characters of the series.


Darkness Theory

**Darkness Theory**

_((Idea came to me after doing a Physics project, and it reminded me greatly of Riku's changing opinion of the darkness. I like thinking oddly. I also like daydreaming of eternal falling though so...))_

Chaos Theory in a nutshell is the theory that while something is mathematically correct it can take on random outcomes based on special variables. It applies to more than one might think, the obvious application being random weather conditions, but what if it applied to your heart?

Everyone knows that darkness is likely the original source of all hearts. The antagonists say so at the very least, we've known them to lie but what if it's the truth? What in the world causes our hearts to live in the light if we all start out in darkness?

It's interesting to ponder. Since we can't see what lies beyond our own eyes there's no way to assess what lies beyond the boundaries. And what if there are different worlds? If the boundaries truly exist there's nothing to say there's not other places we could or couldn't be, depending on where the original darkness spawned. And boundaries are made to be broken.

I wish I could travel to different worlds. To test the theory of chaos and see what life would be like if the island had never existed. What if my friends had never existed?

--

Inside the darkness the world is different. There's no eternal light of the island, there's no room for feeling good about yourself. The darkness seems to bring out something that provokes the emotion of anger, or sorrow. This isn't the place I thought it could be.

It's still good for my perception of the world however. It's easier to see now what life would be like with no real friends, working towards one goal while an opposing force attempts to thwart me. It's like child's play with higher stakes, and I feel as though I have a good chance at winning.

Balance is at work here, because just as I have my own chance at winning there's nothing to say my opponent couldn't. There is a true balance between the darkness and the light, while one can prevail in a certain area there's a whole other area where the other prevails. It ties back to chaos, it all works together but the places it works are random.

Sinking deeper into the darkness, my heart can't adjust to exposure to light as well anymore. I'm growing used to this, and the light is beginning to weaken me. This could prove that darkness is the original state of the heart, as the deeper I sink in the more the light scars me.

This experiment is beginning to annoy me. If I leave now, will I fade into the light?

--

I'm scared now of what I have become, and there are those who would use that to their advantage.

I can't really go back to the light; all my former friends will remember is my time in the darkness and what I did to work against them. I think that I'm probably forever destined to walk within the darkness.

Wandering now, I am reminded of what it used to be like. Beings are trying to eliminate me it seems, and using my former dark intentions to their advantage. Against what I'm not entirely sure, but I know very well that my friends are nearby.

Speaking of my friends, when I hit the absolute darkest point of the darkness a new friend was found. He promised to help me back to the light, and while I want to go back there are voices in my heart that tell me that I'll fade in the light. That I can obtain absolute power by means of listening to him. I've given into this voice before; I don't exactly intend to do so again.

--

My heart was taken over by the darkness and what resided within it. It often spoke to me, called out to me to give in to the power that it offered me. I didn't want to listen, but the fact that it had a hold of my heart affected my ability to ignore it. I think I had finally defeated it, but that could be a fleeting dream. How else would the darkness manage to ruin my life?

I'm reminded of the light, and how while I gave into the darkness a gradual return to the light would not cause me to fade. I needed to find dawn, and as I did so I needed to help my friends. They'll never accept me again, but I can make sure they make it through their own quest.

The Butterfly Effect is commonly associated with Chaos Theory. Everyone knows it, "A butterfly flapping its wings could cause a tornado on the other side of the world." It's all about chain reactions, and that's what I needed to pull off here. I needed my friend to believe that I was a member of his enemy's organization.

It didn't go as well as I wanted it to. It didn't take him as long as I had wanted to for him to notice that there was something different with me in comparison to the other members of his enemy.

Somehow, it seemed to drive him. Chasing after me through his second adventure seemed to help him, keep him looking forward to someone at the end of the road.

My friend was missing a part of himself though, and that was becoming a bit of a problem. When he had been remerged, there were parts of his own life and parts of the life this other person had. It confused him, and I was reminded again of the chaos within his mind. What if he had been heartless longer? Would the other half of him be different? What parts wouldn't change?

It wasn't something I wanted to venture again. I had already made that mistake.

--

The journey was slowing down. Another friend had been dragged into it, and the concept of her having to deal with the concepts of darkness and nothing bothered me. I wanted to protect her; she was like my little sister.

Now that I had dragged myself out of my bottomless pit, I felt that while I was more immune to the light staying in the darkness was more convenient to everyone. If I was the darkness, I could control it and save my friends in the light the trouble of dealing with it.

My friend was getting closer and closer to stopping his enemy, and the guise I had taken seemed to convince him more that I wasn't me. It concerned me a little; previously he seemed so sure of who was who, even under the hooded darkness. I wondered if all he went through was affecting his ability to judge.

My "little sister" was the only one able to see through my disguise, and I had to admit although I didn't show it that I was amused that she had to explain it to my friend. I found myself even unable to react. I had promised myself I'd find dawn but I had barely moved past midnight.

Chaos prevailed once again not long after, and brought with it the concept of the Butterfly Effect. In theory, the device to trap the kingdom should have held, but due to mathematical randomness the whole thing literally blew up in our faces and with the effect brought me completely out of my guise. To further the chain reaction, the hearts otherwise were now re-spawning into the heartless my friend and I had worked so hard to rid the world of.

I didn't feel right going with him to finish the whole defeating the enemies and regain control over the world thing. To hide this fact I went along with it anyway, and fought hard to ensure that the rest of the world went back to their previous state. Even after the battle appeared to be over, I didn't feel right. Even after most of everyone had gone back to the island, there was just something wrong. And while I was convinced I'd be accepted within the light, the darkness I had been exposed to I wasn't keen on leaving.

In the end my friend and I ended up in the darkness. This is where I wanted to be in the end, I wanted to control the darkness to prevent it from trying to take over the light. However, my friend truly belonged in the light, and I ended up going back with him.

--

Through my time in the darkness, I've discovered a couple things.

The first of which being, curiosity truly killed the cat. And killed my sense of judgment.

I also learned that chaos works in mysterious ways. In all mathematical probability, I was destined to either fade into the darkness forever, or, fade into the light when I returned. While the math was correct, the outcome was different than any I had predicted at any point in the journey.

The most important lessons I learned were ones within the darkness. Such as, how to deal with it should it ever become a problem for us again. And the true struggle it is. Everyone assumes it's so easy to be a good and wholesome person, but being exposed to true darkness for a long-ish period of time can truly change that. I can only imagine how the heartless must live, completely within the dark for all of what they've known. They would truly fade if they joined the light, no chaos would change that.

My friends are important, and I was so surprised and thankful that they again accepted me after my turn to the dark side. If there was one thing that was important in the world it was the fact I had them to catch me, and I made a promise to myself and to them that I'd never leave again so that I could catch them when they needed me.

The darkness is a fickle thing. It can change your outlook; it can break your heart. One thing that's for certain about it, there will be no way that I am returning to it for any length of time. I wasn't messing with chaos anymore; I just had to watch that the butterfly effect didn't catch up to me.


End file.
